I’m very different and it’s not like I can explain this to anyone. I want to be heard and to be understood. However, I am struggling to come to terms with what is going on in my life. I’m not too sure how to be honest with myself. Often times, I feel that everyone is out to get me. Yes, I have a lot of anger which stems from my unhealed trauma but reaching out for help in a ableist and broken society isn’t quite possible if I’m being honest. Reaching out for help is like talking to a brick wall and that’s why I’ve given up on the system. This is why the system does not like me and that’s why I’ve been excluded from everything and everyone. This is also why I work so much as work is a literal distraction and I’m able to build some type of structure in my life on top of self-discipline.
I feel that most people in life do not understood me nor do they want to get it. Most people are backwards and only want to understand what they want to understand. Usually what society wants to understand are the lies told about the victim. I am the victim in this circumstance who’s rights and freedoms have been taken away. I am the victim in this circumstance with no voice and how exactly is this fair?
I have tried so hard just to make it out there and to become “something” in this broken world and people refuse to praise me with the efforts I deserve. I come from a broken family and I have been physically and sexually violated by people I thought I trusted. I come from a background where I was hated, shamed and stigmatized for being different — Apparently having a learning disability is not okay and we have to conform and be normal. Anyways, what is the word normal? I really need the definition to that.
Due to having my rights violated as of recently, I now have no choice but to look into filing a grievance. I’ve learned over the years that speaking out and writing about my experience is okay and that there’s other victims out there. We should not have to feel silenced when we’re violated and degraded of everything. We’re only people and that respect piece needs to be put into place.
From being misunderstood to still being misunderstood, I will be that voice for others going through similar situations.